


You Ask Why I Stare (When The Evidence Is Clear)

by jasmine_sea



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Also inspired by how much thinner he is in The Beach episode than in Book 1, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anorexia, Bi Author, Fluff and Angst, From when Zuko nearly starved to death twice, Instead it is loss of appetite due to, Just addressing it, M/M, NOT anorexia nervosa aka it's not caused by weight/body image, POV Zuko, PTSD, Pre-Relationship, Setting: Western Air Temple and Boiling Rock, This is Pre-Zukka but there is some flirting, This story doesn't cover much of the recovery process
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:48:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25185109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jasmine_sea/pseuds/jasmine_sea
Summary: Zuko’s clothes hang off his frame unlike they used to. It’s because he doesn’t train as much as his banishment days. He’s lost muscle mass since then. It makes his clothes seem looser. This is what he tells himself.
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 42
Kudos: 1267





	You Ask Why I Stare (When The Evidence Is Clear)

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write this because I didn’t see many people writing about how nearly starving must have affected Zuko, even subconsciously. I wanted to explore the idea that he does indeed develop PTSD from it in the form of Anorexia, or loss of appetite. In the story, it is theorized exactly how PTSD led to his loss of appetite. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I did a lot of research in writing this, but I am not a professional. If something about this story is grossly misrepresented, please do not hesitate to contact me! I will work to either fix the mistake or, in the case the problem is unsolvable, take the story down.

Joining the Avatar is easier than Zuko anticipated. 

Toph doesn’t treat him differently because of his past. She is willing to trust him when no one else is, and Zuko knows her trust ultimately leads to his acceptance and assimilation into the team. The evening after he joins, Toph drags him by the arm to eat with the group. He’s uncomfortably aware of the lull in conversation due to his presence, yet he remains by Toph’s side the entire meal. No one dares to question her decision, and sure enough, conversation returns to what Zuko assumes is normal.

Aang almost immediately warms up to Zuko. It’s shocking at first, but after Zuko spends a few days training him in firebending basics, he learns Aang is simply a forgiving person. Aang believes anyone can change for the better -- even if they’re his enemies. His kindness extends past national borders. Some may call it naive, but Zuko can’t help but admire him. It takes a lot of strength to forgive someone. Zuko doesn’t think he has that power.

Katara despises him, and Zuko doesn’t blame her. After her threat on his life, Zuko stays far away from her. He doesn’t talk to her. She doesn’t talk to him. At meals, they sit opposite the flames, and they never look each other in the eye. They pretend the other doesn’t exist. Zuko has to ask about her through Toph and Aang. They are confident that she will forgive him eventually. Zuko doesn’t buy it. 

And then there’s Sokka. Zuko doesn’t know how to interpret Sokka. Unlike Katara, Sokka treats him like another friend. His words are always kind if not playful. Zuko likes him, and yet, Sokka watches Zuko, unlike the others. He catches Sokka staring at him from time to time. Zuko suspects Sokka doesn’t fully trust him and remains on guard because of that. Of course, Zuko doesn’t blame him for this either. He and his sister were the ones that traveled with Aang from the beginning. Naturally, they would be suspicious. It doesn’t make Zuko any less uncomfortable. 

**

The first time it happens is after Zuko and Aang return from meeting the dragons. Zuko’s clothes are still covered in the tar-like substance of the trap, so he changes in his room. He leaves the door open, but someone knocks anyway. Zuko finishes putting a shirt over his head before turning to acknowledge them. 

Sokka is leaning against the door. He’s frowning at Zuko’s chest, eyes distant. Zuko recognizes it as the same face he makes when staring at maps. He’s making an assessment. 

“What?” Zuko prompts, snapping him out of his reverie. 

“Right,” Sokka says blinking a few times. “You and Aang missed dinner, so I came to ask if you wanted anything. Katara is making some food right now.” 

“Oh.” Zuko frowns and shakes his head. “No thank you.”

Sokka grins slyly at him. “You know she’s not gonna attack you over accepting some food, right?”

Zuko smiles slightly at that. “I’m actually not too sure about that,” he says, “but I’m just not hungry.”

The smile slips off Sokka’s face. “You sure?” he asks. “It’s been over a day since you guys left.”

Zuko shakes his head again. “I’m sure. Thanks for coming by though.”

“Well, if you’re sure.” Sokka nods and leaves.

As soon as he’s gone, Zuko sighs. He doesn’t know Sokka very well yet, but he was definitely staring at Zuko just then. Maybe he’s looking for a sign of betrayal... Or maybe Zuko is overthinking it. He gives Sokka the benefit of the doubt.

**

The next day, Zuko finally can start teaching Aang how to firebend, so they both wake up early and start training. Just an hour in and Aang is making good progress. It’s amazing how visiting the dragons created such a significant change. Firebending feels different now. It’s a form of expression and warmth rather than an escape for anger. 

Aang is able to grasp this concept right away. Zuko tells him he’s a natural. Aang beams in response.

By now, the sun is visible on the horizon. Combined with the fire, Zuko decides it’s too hot and peels off his shirt, tossing it to the side. Aang sees him and follows suit. As they’re following through the final moves of the morning, Sokka finds them and sits on a staircase to the side.

“Hey, Sokka,” Aang greets him. “Here to watch firebending practice?”

“Yep.” Sokka leans against the stairs, arms folded behind his head. “The rest of us are just waking up, and Haru is about to start on breakfast, so wrap it up soon.”

Zuko nods. “Okay. We’re almost done anyway.”

As Zuko teaches Aang the cool down procedure, he can’t help but feel watched again. Obviously, Sokka is watching. He’s watching both of them. Yet, Zuko feels Sokka’s gaze linger on him. 

Zuko turns and catches Sokka staring. Sokka notices and averts his eyes. 

So he wasn’t imagining it yesterday. Sokka was definitely staring at him in his room. The question is why. Maybe Sokka still doesn’t trust him. Maybe he keeps his true feelings hidden, unlike his sister.

“Alright,” Zuko says, turning his attention back to Aang. “You’ve officially finished your first day of firebending training. Congratulations.”

Aang raises his arms and cheers.

**

From then on, Aang reschedules his work week to prioritize firebending while leaving a few days dedicated to earth and water bending. Normally, Aang and Zuko work alone, but as the training days pass, sometimes they have an observer. Most often, it’s Toph who pressures them into sparring matches. She loves taunting and laughing at the loser.

Once, Katara shows up to watch, probably to make sure the training is safe for Aang. Zuko ends up being so nervous that his attacks aren’t as strong as normal. Katara walks away unimpressed and Aang pats his back sympathetically. 

Sokka joins them several times, but he doesn’t usually watch them. He sits on the stairs, reading about fighting strategies or cleaning his weapons after training with them in another part of the temple. 

One day, Sokka carries a sword with him. While Aang is doing breathing practices, Zuko approaches him on the stairs. “I didn’t know you own a sword,” he says as Sokka polishes the blade. 

Sokka smiles at him. “As the resident weapon guy, I carry a lot of weapons. This sword being one of them.” He holds the weapon out for Zuko to hold.

Zuko takes the sword. He swings it once, twice. It’s more lightweight than he expected, and it’s well-balanced. Whoever made it has excellent craftsmanship. He inspects the handle and his eyes widen. “Is this a Piandao sword?”

Sokka raises his eyebrows. “Uh, yeah actually. You know him?”

Zuko nods, handing the sword back. “I studied the twin blades under him when I was younger.”

“No kidding.” Sokka grins. “I studied under him just over a month ago, and we made the sword together. Small world.”

Zuko hums in agreement. 

“I never pegged you for a sword guy,” Sokka continues. “You still got them?”

“One of the few things I brought with me,” Zuko answers.

“We should train together sometime,” Sokka offers. “Next time you don’t have firebending practice?”

“Tomorrow Aang is earthbending with Toph,” Zuko suggests.

“Then tomorrow,” Sokka decides.

**

Like planned, Sokka grabs Zuko from his room the next afternoon, telling him to bring his swords. He leads Zuko to an empty courtyard. Zuko doesn’t remember seeing it before. His uncle must have searched this part of the temple three years ago.

He first sees the large fountain carved into the wall’s white stone. It’s similar to other fountains in the temple, however, this one is broken. The basin is split open and the white stone is marked with scorch marks. There’s no water in it, just dead leaves. 

Sokka pulls him away from it. “Check this out,” he says pointing opposite the fountain. 

It’s a garden, or at least, it _was_ a garden. The flowers and shrubs have completely overgrown the area. Vines crawl around the floor all the way up the walls, reaching for the descending sun through an open roof. The plant roots have pierced the stone tiling, causing the earth beneath them to show through. Nothing has been touched for almost a hundred years. Almost nothing.

Zuko’s eyes catch on some roughly carved shrubs. He squints at them. “Are those…?” he trails off.

“Animal topiaries,” Sokka fills in confidently. “What do you think?”

Zuko walks closer to the first out of three. It has four legs, small ears, and a large snout. “Uh,” he says, tilting his head. “Platypus-bear?”

“What? No!” Sokka shouts. “That one’s Momo!”

Zuko wrinkles his nose at that. “Why are his ears so small then? And where’s his tail and wings?”

“Ugh, everyone’s a critic,” Sokka mutters. “Sculpting shrubs isn’t as easy as it seems, pal! Once you cut something away, that’s it. No gluing it back on. I sliced one ear too small, then I had to make the other one even, only for that one to be _even_ smaller, and this continued several times until I achieved the finished product here.” He gestures at the ridiculously inaccurate ears. “I will admit I completely forgot about the tail, but Momo’s wings can close, so that part’s correct!”

“You used your _Piandao_ sword for this?” Zuko asks.

“Duh,” Sokka says. “You see any ancient garden shears around here?”

Zuko rolls his eyes. “No, I figured. It’s just a…” Zuko searches for the right word, “ _unique_ way of using such a high quality sword.”

“Oh, I see how it is,” Sokka pouts and crosses his arms. “Insult my art _and_ my life choices. Real cool, man.”

Zuko frowns. “I didn’t mean it as an insult,” he apologizes.

Sokka smiles at him and waves it off. “Don’t worry about it. I’m just kidding.” He pats Zuko’s shoulder kindly. “Weapons and sarcasm guy here. I don’t actually get mad often. If I was, you’d know. I’m pretty bad at hiding my emotions.” Sokka takes a step further into the garden and gestures around himself. “Anyway, this is my favorite place to train around here.”

“I can see why,” Zuko says, looking at all the green. “It’s peaceful here.”

“Want to get started?” Sokka asks, drawing his sword from behind his back. “I was thinking we should work on disabling each other’s weapons.”

“Sounds good with me.” Zuko pulls his swords out of the scabbard and tosses it aside. He separates the swords into both hands. He nods at Sokka, ready.

Sokka makes the first move. He aims low, but Zuko blocks it by crossing his swords. At the same time, Zuko puts force forward, sending Sokka back several paces. Before Sokka can recover, Zuko aims for his weapon, but Sokka dodges it, taking another step back. Zuko keeps slicing at Sokka, effectively putting Sokka on the defensive. Finally, Zuko gets a good hit in, and Sokka’s sword is dislodged from his hand.

“Again,” Sokka says.

Sokka makes the first move again, but this time, he holds onto the offensive longer. He targets Zuko with fast strikes, not giving him much time to think. It works for a minute. Instead of blocking or dodging backward, Zuko decides to dodge sideways and get behind Sokka. As Sokka turns, Zuko pushes him. Not being able to get a strong stance in time, Sokka falls back into the flowers and vines. Zuko quickly follows him. With his legs on one side of Sokka’s body, Zuko puts his full weight into his hip and leans against Sokka’s chest. His arms come up to press Sokka’s wrists into the ground. The plants are soft against their hands. Sokka struggles, but Zuko is slightly stronger. Sokka is effectively pinned. 

Sokka stops struggling and his eyes narrow at Zuko. He’s thinking again, Zuko realizes. 

“What are you thinking?” Zuko asks simply. He wants to know why Sokka stares at him.

Sokka blinks back to a normal expression. “Uh, you’re a lot better than I expected you to be?”

Zuko scowls, unimpressed. It’s clearly a lie. “Is that supposed to be a compliment or something?” He stands up, releasing Sokka.

“Call it an observation,” Sokka responds as he dusts himself off. He raises his sword. “Again?”

Zuko agrees again and again, roughly four more times. Sokka doesn’t win, but he comes close once. They stop training and linger several minutes as Sokka attempts to perfect his newest Polar Bear-Dog topiary. Despite its silliness, Zuko does admit it helps train precision. There’s a clear progression among the sculptures. 

When Sokka gives up for the day, they walk back to the main temple and go their separate ways to clean up and change before dinner. 

**

Zuko approaches the fire and sees Aang making some kind of vegetable stew. Toph is sitting nearby. Zuko sits next to her. “How did earthbending training go today?” he asks.

“Great!” Toph says. “I got some good hits in.”

“Yeah,” Aang huffs, still stirring the pot. “Against me.”

“Eh, you can’t have all the fun.” Toph shrugs, making Zuko smile. “How did training with Sokka go?” she asks him.

“Good,” Zuko answers. “He’s not on my skill level yet, but he learns quickly. It’s only a matter of time.”

“Yeah,” Aang says. “Sokka is so good at everything he does.”

“Except bending,” says Toph.

“Except bending,” Aang agrees.

Zuko nods and looks at the fire. He gets an idea. “Do you guys have any tea?” he asks.

“There should be some in the dry food bag near Appa.” Aang gestures at Appa a few meters away.

Zuko goes and digs through the bag. He finds some green tea leaves, grabs an empty pot, and walks with them back to the fire.

“You gonna make us some tea, Sparky?” Toph asks.

“I worked in a tea shop for over a month,” Zuko says as he scoops flowing water into the pot from the fountain nearby. He sets it on the metal rods above the fire, and let’s it heat up. “I’ve got it practically down to a science.”

Toph gestures at the pot. “Can’t you boil that instantly?”

“Yes,” Zuko answers, “but Uncle always said it tastes better when it’s brewed naturally.”

“It’s tea!” Toph says. She waves her arms dramatically. “It all tastes the same!”

Zuko frowns. “I used to think that way, but as someone who drank tea for a month straight, I can seriously tell you there’s a difference.”

“I, for one, am thankful to try some great tea,” Aang says, grinning at Zuko. 

As the tea begins to boil, Haru, the Duke, and Teo arrive. Zuko doesn’t know much about them. He only sees them at meals. They don’t seem to harbor any animosity towards him though, so Zuko doesn’t mind them. They talk to Aang and Toph about new rooms they’ve found. Zuko doesn’t know how they can spend so much time exploring.

Just after Zuko pours everyone a cup of green tea, Sokka and Katara arrive. They’re talking to each other. Sokka is smiling and nudging her as Katara glares at his antics but smiles anyway. Zuko can’t help but feel jealous. He used to have this kind of relationship with his sister, but it was taken away from them too soon. As soon as Azula learned to firebend before him, their father separated them, and every encounter since then turned mean.

The siblings share a look of confusion when they see the drink at their seat. 

“Zuko made it for us,” Aang explains while also dishing out vegetable stew. “It’s good.” 

Sokka takes a sip and nods. “Thanks,” he tells Zuko. He sits by Zuko’s other side. 

Katara sniffs at it suspiciously, but drinks it all the same. Reluctantly, she nods at Zuko. He’ll take it as a thank you. 

Aang hands him a portion of soup. It’s about the same amount Toph gets. Since he’s joined, they’ve realized Zuko doesn’t eat much, so rather than waste, they cut his portion down. It makes sense. 

Today, though, he’s not very hungry. Still full from lunch probably. He only eats half his soup. He places his bowl down and nurses his tea, listening to the detailed story of Aang’s training today. He doesn’t speak or interrupt, but like a sixth sense, he can feel eyes on him all the same. He turns to Sokka, and sure enough, Sokka’s looking at him.

Sokka gestures to the bowl on the ground. “You gonna eat that?” he whispers.

Zuko smiles. “No, why? You want it?” he whispers back.

“No.” Sokka shakes his head and returns the smile. “No, it’s just you don’t eat very much do you?”

“That’s right,” Zuko replies. 

Zuko glances at the others. Toph is giving a play-by-play of exactly how she threw rocks at Aang, even demonstrating a few moves. They don’t notice Sokka and Zuko aren’t paying much attention. 

“Hey,” Sokka says, drawing Zuko’s full attention again. “Can I pull you aside and ask you something?”

Zuko’s stomach drops. Sokka might finally tell him why he’s been staring. Zuko hopes he hasn’t done anything wrong.

“Sure,” he answers.

However, when they walk away from the others, Sokka only asks about prisons and Boiling Rock. He doesn’t ask Zuko anything personal. 

Sokka walks away, and Zuko knows Sokka is plotting something. 

**

Zuko travels with Sokka to Boiling Rock. He doesn’t think Sokka knows what he’s getting himself into, so he refuses to let him go alone. They make it to the shore of the prison without being seen, but their balloon goes down. They’re stranded. 

They walk along the wall until they find an unguarded entrance. They find a locker room and quickly change into spare guard uniforms. Again, Zuko feels Sokka’s eyes on him, watching him, but they don’t have time for Zuko to question it. They find a loose ceiling panel and hide their normal clothes behind it.

Sokka’s dad isn’t here, but it turns out his girlfriend is. Actually, Zuko isn’t sure if they’re still dating. It’s been months since they last saw each other. As soon as Sokka goes to tell Suki they’re planning her escape, another guard interferes, and Zuko has no choice but to give away his identity.

Sokka, still a prison guard, pulls Zuko’s arms behind his back. “Don’t worry,” he whispers into Zuko’s ear as he walks him away. “I’ll figure it out.” 

Another guard directs Sokka to a cell to put Zuko in. Sokka pushes Zuko towards the interior of the cell, and the other guard throws a prisoner’s uniform at his feet, ordering him to put it on. Sokka lingers before closing the door, but the other guard is still standing nearby. They can’t say anything to each other. Sokka leaves, and Zuko knows he’ll be back as soon as it’s clear.

In the dark, Zuko changes into his prisoner outfit. A prisoner of the Fire Nation. Zuko scowls at the irony of it. He never would have thought it would come to this. Nothing honorable about it. 

He sits on the bed attached to the wall. Zuko narrows his eyes at it. It should hardly be called a bed. It may have a sheet and a pillow, but it’s as hard as stone. He sighs to himself and hopes Sokka can create a good plan.

The door creaks, then opens. Zuko stiffens. It’s a high-ranking officer. Based on the way the other guards flank him, Zuko guesses it’s the Warden.

“I can’t believe it’s come to this, Prince Zuko,” he says. 

“How do you know who I am?” Zuko asks.

“Besides that hideous scar?” Zuko doesn’t react to this. “You broke my niece’s heart.” At this, Zuko flinches.

“I never meant to hurt her,” he says, averting his eyes.

“Oh, shut up!” the Warden snaps. “You betrayed her and your entire nation. You deserve to rot in here.” The Warden’s eyes narrow at him. Zuko feels a familiar chill. “You look pathetic, you know. Does the Avatar not feed you? I wouldn’t blame him. I guess he wasn’t happy with you joining their side after all.”

Zuko glares at the man. “You’re wrong. The Avatar is more generous and forgiving than the Fire Nation will ever be.”

The Warden is unamused. “You see, I don’t believe you,” he says and turns away. Right before he leaves, he looks over his shoulder. “Oh, and you better behave, or else someone might leak to the prisoners that the traitor Prince is here. They’d tear you apart.” Zuko knows a threat when he hears one.

As the door shuts, Zuko is left in the dark and a chill washes over him. He may act strong when it counts, but Zuko is unnerved. The people here hate him. He’s either a traitor to Fire Nation citizens or the Fire Nation Prince to war prisoners. There are very few people on his side. He can’t fight everyone, no matter how strong he is.

Zuko takes a deep breath, attempting to calm himself.

But what about that other comment the Warden made? Does the Avatar not feed you?

Zuko knows he’s lost weight since his banishment days. It’s from loss of muscle mass. He doesn’t train nearly as hard as he used to. It’s normal. The Warden was exaggerating. Right? 

He’s uncomfortably aware of how his prison uniform hangs off his frame.

He has a headache all of a sudden. He doesn’t want to think anymore. He lays down on his pitiful bed and closes his eyes until he’s asleep.

**

Zuko snaps awake. There’s a tapping on his door. 

“Zuko, it’s me.”

Zuko jumps to his feet and approaches the door as the slot slides open. The slot is only wide enough to see Sokka’s eyes. They’re bluer than he remembers.

“I’m here,” Zuko says. “What time is it?”

“It’s nighttime,” Sokka replies. “I snuck out of the barracks. I’m trying to figure out the layout of this place. Also, there’s much less guards on the night shift.”

“Would that be a good time to escape?” Zuko asks.

“I’m considering it,” Sokka says. “We’d have the cover of the night on our side, but it’s a double edged sword. We wouldn’t be able to see where we’re going, and I don’t know the prison’s exterior layout well enough to guide us in the dark. It would be a big risk.”

“So what now?”

“I think we need to wait before trying anything.” Sokka’s brows upturn, apologetic. “I’m afraid you’ll need to stay here a bit longer.”

“Don’t worry about me. I can handle myself,” Zuko says even though he’s unsure.

“What happened after I left?” Sokka asks.

“The Warden came to visit. He knows who I am.”

“That’s not too good.”

“Also he’s Mai’s uncle.”

“Not too good at all.” Sokka’s eyes dart to the left. “Someone’s coming. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Okay,” Zuko responds. Not like he has much of a choice anyway.

“Alright, goodnight,” Sokka says before closing the slot.

Zuko listens to the footsteps fade away and returns to bed.

**

The next morning, they almost escape. 

After Zuko is woken and given mopping duty, he finds Suki and introduces himself. She’s shocked to see him in prison, but once he explains the situation, she relaxes. Sokka finds them and lays out the escape plan. It would have been the perfect escape, even with the additional prisoners, but new arrivals are on the way. Zuko knows they can’t leave yet and convinces Sokka to stay. They’re beyond relieved when Hakoda steps off the gondola.

“Alright,” Sokka says to Zuko and Suki. “Give me some more time to plan a new escape route with my dad. We’ll try again tomorrow.”

They all return to where they need to be. Zuko goes back to his cell.

It’s hard to tell time in the cell, but it feels like hours pass. Surely, it can’t be too much time because they tried to escape a few hours before noon, so lunch should be served in the cells soon. Zuko waits.

The door slides open and Zuko stands up, slowly approaching the door. He sees the other prisoners walking out of their cells. It must be the afternoon hour of yard time, but that can’t be right. Did he not make it back in time for lunch? In that case, a tray of food would have been in his cell waiting for him.

_Does the Avatar not feed you?_

_I wouldn’t blame him._

Zuko gets a sinking feeling in his gut. Thinking more about it. Do they serve breakfast here? Zuko didn’t even notice he went to work without it. He rushes into the courtyard and searches for a familiar face.

“Suki,” he says when he finds her, getting her attention. “Out of curiosity, when are mealtimes here?”

Suki doesn’t seem to think anything out of the ordinary about the question. “Breakfast is served right before work, lunch is at noon, and dinner is two hours after yard time.”

Zuko curses under his breath. This draws Suki’s concern. 

“What’s wrong?” she asks.

“The guards don’t really like me,” Zuko explains. “I guess it’s a consequence of betraying the country. They haven’t brought me a meal yet.” Suki’s eyebrows draw together. Zuko thinks about it more. “I guess it could also be a direct order from the Warden. He hates me too.”

“Zuko, that’s terrible,” Suki says. “If I see Sokka, I’ll make sure to pass the message on to him. Maybe he can sneak you some food.”

Zuko shakes his head. “Thanks, but I don’t want to risk him getting caught.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I can go a few days without food,” Zuko responds with a bitter smile. “I’ve done it before.”

“If you say so,” Suki gives in.

**

That night, as expected, Zuko doesn’t receive anything for dinner. He listens closely and hears the rolling of a cart pass his cell.

He truly doesn’t feel too hungry, but the thought of food not being available to him -- food being _taken away_ from him -- makes him anxious. It reminds him of the time he was stranded on a raft for several weeks with nothing to eat. Also the time when he foolishly abandoned his uncle and nearly starved to death. Zuko doesn’t want it to come to that.

Later, a familiar tapping knocks on his door, and the slot slides open. Sokka’s back.

“Hey, man. Just checking in,” he says. “I spoke with my dad, and we’re almost done with a plan. Once I finalize the logistics, I’ll run it by you. We’re planning on leaving tomorrow.”

“That’s good,” Zuko says. “Anything else.”

“He was really happy to see me,” Sokka says. His eyes shine brightly. “I want to thank you for convincing me to stay.”

Zuko blinks. “Of course,” he says.

Sokka’s eyes crease. He must be smiling behind the door. “You’ll be okay until then?” he asks.

Zuko hesitates. “Yeah,” he says. It must not have been convincing.

Sokka catches on. “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing.”

“Zuko, seriously. What’s wrong?”

Zuko sighs. “Promise you won’t do anything rash?”

“Um, okay?” Sokka sounds nervous.

Zuko breathes in and out. “I’m not sure who’s in charge, but I haven’t been receiving meals.”

“What? Like since yesterday?” Sokka hisses. Zuko nods. “That’s awful. I’m gonna try to sneak into the break room and get you something.”

“What? No!” Zuko argues. “I’m fine. Don’t blow your cover.”

“No,” Sokka says, resolved. “I won’t let you be treated like this. I’ll be right back.”

“Sokka! Wait!”

The metal slot slides shut and Zuko resists pounding on the door. 

“Reckless idiot,” he hisses through his teeth to an empty cell.

Everything could go wrong because of this. If Sokka gets caught, then none of them will be able to escape. Once they learn _two_ of the Avatar’s friends are here, there’s no way security won’t go up. Zuko shouldn’t have mentioned it to Sokka. Of course Sokka would try to help him. Zuko paces in his cell. Time slowly drags by. How long has it been?

Finally, the slot slides open again. “I’m back,” Sokka says cheerfully.

“I can’t believe you,” Zuko hisses at the same time.

“But look.” Sokka shoves two bread rolls through the opening and waits for Zuko to grab them. Reluctantly, he does. “I found some stuff. There weren’t many options, but this should last you two small meals. Obviously, you’ll have to get something more filling when we get out.”

Zuko glares at him, but bites into one of the rolls. It tastes good. Maybe he was hungrier than he thought.

“I won’t apologize,” Sokka says as he eats. “If you want, think of it as energy for our escape. Don’t want you passing out on us.”

Zuko rolls his eyes at that. “I still think you were completely reckless.”

“But?” Sokka prompts.

“But thank you.” Zuko smiles slightly at him. The food settles his nerves. Maybe Sokka was right to get him food.

“Of course.” Sokka then sighs. “It’s getting late. I need to get some rest.” He pauses, looking at Zuko. “You too.”

Zuko nods, he’s right. “Goodnight, Sokka.”

“Goodnight.” 

The panel slides shut.

**

Zuko dreams fitfully. 

He’s on the raft with his uncle after escaping the Northern Water Tribe. They drift for weeks and live off of ice water and a few fish. His uncle keeps giving him the larger portions, claiming he already has energy to spare. Zuko feels guilty about accepting the larger portions, even if they’re just larger by a few bites, but he’s so damn hungry. He’s never felt anything like this before.

Within seconds, all the ice melts. It’s too hot for them. They’ve drifted too far south. Zuko panics. He’s thirsty. He tries to drink the salt water, but it doesn’t help. He’s thirsty.

He’s going to die.

He reaches into the water and it grabs him. He can’t break free. It pulls him in.

Suddenly, he’s riding ostrich-horseback, and the sun is beating down on him. Uncle is nowhere to be seen. The path ahead of him is so long. He’s starving again.

By now, he knows hunger. It’s both not as scary and scarier the second time. Not as scary because he’s already survived it once. Scarier because he knows how much closer he is to death.

At one point, hunger becomes normal, and the pain doesn’t affect him as much. He forgets about the hunger -- about the pain. Time slows down, and Zuko falls off the horse like he’s passing through water. His vision fades.

Zuko wakes up gasping. He clutches a hand to his heart. Beneath his fingers, it beats far too quickly. Next, he checks under his pillow and sighs in relief. The roll he wrapped in a spare cloth and hid is still there. He doesn’t have to worry anymore. He’ll be okay.

He lays back down and turns on his side. His face can feel dampness on the cloth of the pillow. Zuko pats his face. His cheeks are slightly wet. He must have been crying in his sleep. He wipes at his eyes and closes them shut. He can’t dwell on his nightmare. He needs rest for tomorrow. It takes over an hour for him to fall back asleep.

**

Sokka was right. His escape plan is solid, and they leave Boiling Rock. If it wasn’t for Azula and Ty Lee, there would have been no problems. They would have been able to prevent the Warden from giving the order to cut the gondola’s line. They are all indebted to Mai for saving them. 

In the airship’s control room, Zuko stirs in guilt. He knows Mai betrayed the Fire Nation for him. What has he ever done to deserve that? Now she must face Azula’s wrath. Zuko visibly shudders.

Sokka notices. He’s standing at the wheel just a few paces away. He’s the only one in the control room with Zuko. No one else knows where they’re going, so they are resting in abandoned chambers.

“What are you thinking about?” Sokka asks.

“Mai,” Zuko answers. “She betrayed the Fire Nation for me. I never did anything to deserve it.” He doesn’t face Sokka. “We were always fighting when we dated. I wasn’t a great boyfriend.”

“Maybe you weren’t,” Sokka shrugs, “but I’m sure she knew exactly what she was doing. She saved you knowing you’d help bring the Fire Nation down.”

“Maybe.”

They both stare out the glass windows. The ship is sailing just above the clouds, and the sun is beginning to set. It fills the sky with bright oranges and yellows. Their colors overfill and spill onto the clouds below them. It’s beautiful. 

“When this is all over, will you get back together with her?” Sokka asks. 

Zuko doesn’t have to think about it. “No. No, we weren’t good for each other,” he says. “We’d be better off as friends.”

Sokka nods.

“So,” Zuko says, “are you and Suki back together?”

Sokka smiles wistfully at that. “Nah,” he says. “It’s been months since we last saw each other. We still love each other, but not in the same way as before.”

“Sorry.”

“It was mutual.”

They stay silent for some time. They watch the sky shift into reds and purples, then finally back to blue. It gets darker and darker with each minute. It feels quieter in the night. They’re more conscious of the silence then.

“Hey,” Sokka says. “Can I tell you a secret?”

Zuko looks at him. “Sure.”

“When we left the Air Temple, I didn’t think we’d make it back.”

“I know,” Zuko says. “I figured that out when you told me you had no plan on the air balloon.”

Sokka’s brows are furrowed. “You’re not mad?” he asks.

Zuko shrugs. “I would have come anyway.”

Sokka looks at him strangely. He’s analyzing Zuko again. Watching him. Not like before. It’s similar, but also not. He’s trying to learn something different.

“Why?” Sokka doesn’t understand. 

“I don’t really know either.”

Sokka frowns. “You need to take care of yourself more. You always put everyone else’s needs ahead of yours.”

Zuko shakes his head. “I’m past being selfish. That’s all I used to do. Besides,” Zuko smiles slyly at Sokka, “you also put everyone’s needs ahead of yours. We’re not too different.”

Sokka scoffs. “I’ll give you that,” he concedes, “but being too selfless won’t do you any good.”

“Then let’s both be more selfish sometime,” Zuko decides.

Sokka laughs quietly. Zuko wonders how his blue eyes are able to pack so much warmth into them.

“Trust me,” Sokka says, “after the war’s over I’m going to be _sooo_ selfish.” He gestures wildly.

“Oh yeah?” Zuko grins at him. “How so?”

“Well, obviously I want a huge statue of me in each nation,” he says. Zuko laughs. “And lots of gold for my troubles, of course.”

“Of course,” Zuko echoes playfully. “Anything else?”

Sokka hums in thought. “Oh,” he says, “and a vacation. A long one. I want to relax before getting back to work.” Sokka reaches out and nudges Zuko’s shoulder with his knuckles. “What about you?”

“Me?”

“Yeah, what’s your selfish desires?”

Zuko thinks about it. There’s only one answer really. “I want to rebuild the Fire Nation from the ground up.”

Sokka smiles. “That’s a wonderful desire, I agree, but it’s not selfish enough.” Zuko scoffs. “Seriously,” Sokka insists, “you’d be doing it for yourself, but mostly for your people. Tell me something you want to do for you and only you.”

Zuko takes longer to think about this. “When my uncle and I were exiled from the Fire Nation for good, I was scared. I didn’t know where we would end up. However, I found that traveling through the Earth Kingdom was freeing. I had so many new experiences.” Sokka nods, prompting him to continue. “If anything, I’d want to be able to travel the whole world, you know, without the threat of war hanging over everyone’s heads.”

“Okay then,” Sokka says. “When the war ends, let’s take a long vacation. Just you and me.” 

Sokka states it with such conviction, like it’s the truth. Zuko feels his face heat up.

“You mean that?”

“Absolutely.”

The air has shifted. Zuko throws out his old theory -- the one where Sokka watches him out of distrust. Zuko doesn’t believe it anymore. There’s another reason. 

“Can I ask you something?” Zuko asks. His voice is soft.

“Of course,” Sokka answers.

“Sometimes, I catch you staring. Why?”

Sokka’s face turns slightly pink, just barely noticeable. “A lot of reasons,” he says. He wrinkles his nose. “Well, actually, I guess there’s one main reason.”

“Do I get to know?”

Sokka hums in thought. “Maybe one day,” he says. Zuko rolls his eyes. “Fine, one day for sure.”

“I guess I’ll take what I can get,” Zuko huffs. He smiles anyway. 

Someone knocks on the entrance to the control room. Both Zuko and Sokka turn to see Hakoda enter. “I couldn’t sleep,” the Chief says, “I thought I’d join you two.”

Zuko and Sokka catch each other’s eyes. The mood is broken.

Zuko is fine with it though because it’s worth it to see Sokka’s face light up as he talks with his father. They update each other on events they’ve seen and places they’ve traveled. They even make sure to include Zuko in the conversation, asking if he knows anything about this or has been to a certain place. 

It’s a different conversation, but Zuko is happy to be in it until they arrive at the Western Air Temple.

**

Zuko’s Western Air Temple mattress is far superior to his prison cot. He falls asleep almost instantly and doesn’t wake up until minutes before firebending practice. When he arrives in their usual courtyard, Aang is already there. 

“Hey, Zuko,” he greets. “You hardly ever sleep in this long. You missed breakfast.”

Zuko waves it off. “Yeah, I was tired. I’ll eat sometime later.”

With that, they launch into practice. Aang is getting good, so they practice some of the more strenuous forms of firebending. These forms use a large amount of energy, but Aang will need them to face the Fire Lord.

A half hour into training, Zuko is starting to feel exhausted. Also, he has a headache. He must not have recovered enough from their escape. He decides to go back to sleep after this is over. For now, he pushes through his tiredness and keeps drilling the exercises alongside Aang. 

A few minutes later, he jumps into the air and kicks out a stream of fire, forming an arch of flames. This move is used usually as an offensive strike -- jumping brings more force into the impact of the fire. Zuko lands and his legs wobble slightly. He has to use his arms to help balance himself.

Aang notices. “Are you okay?” he asks.

“Um, yeah,” Zuko says. He wipes at his forehead. His hand is blurry in his vision so he blinks hard, trying to focus. It’s not working. He gets dizzy. “Um, actually I need to sit down.”

Zuko tries to walk to the stairs, but his legs give out on him and he falls. He hears Aang scream his name before his vision goes completely dark.

**

Zuko wakes up in his bed. His head is pounding. He’s relieved to see Sokka sitting in the chair against the wall.

“What happened?” Zuko mumbles. His mouth feels dry. Zuko glances to the nightstand and sees a glass of water. He reaches for it, but his hands are shaky. Suddenly, Sokka is at his side and he hands him the water. Zuko holds it with two hands and brings it slowly to his mouth.

“You fainted out there,” Sokka explains. “Aang carried you to this room, and Katara tried to heal you.” Zuko narrows his eyes at that. Sokka shrugs. “Reluctantly, of course. At first they thought it was heat stroke, but Katara didn’t find any of that kind of damage.”

“Yeah,” Zuko says, handing him back the glass. “Firebenders don’t get heat stroke. I’m probably just tired.”

“That’s what they assumed too,” Sokka says.

“So why are you here?” Zuko asks. Sokka frowns at that, so Zuko backtracks. “I mean, I’m glad you are, but all I need is sleep, so why?”

Sokka moves to sit on the foot of the bed. He stares at Zuko, and Zuko gets that familiar chill of being watched.

Sokka breathes in and out before speaking. “Because you didn’t pass out just from being tired.”

Zuko’s brows furrow. He doesn’t get it. “What do you mean?”

“Zuko, when was the last time you ate?” Sokka asks.

Zuko thinks about it. “Yesterday. The bread roll.”

“I thought so,” Sokka says, nodding. “Zuko, you passed out because you’re hungry.”

“What?” Zuko scoffs. That’s ridiculous. “I’ve been hungry before. This isn’t it,” he says.

Sokka frowns. “What do you mean by that?”

“I’ve nearly starved to death before. Twice. I had nothing to eat, and every day I was scared I would starve.” Zuko chuckles darkly. “Yeah, this isn’t it.”

Sokka isn’t satisfied with that answer. “That doesn’t mean you aren’t hungry now,” he argues.

“Yes it does,” Zuko argues back. “We have a lot of food here. I eat all the time.”

“Okay, that’s a lie,” Sokka says and Zuko opens his mouth to argue, but Sokka holds up a finger, telling Zuko to let him finish. “You only ate two bread rolls in the last three days, and then you expended an extreme amount of energy escaping from the Boiling Rock and training Aang today.” 

Zuko opens his mouth again, but Sokka keeps talking.

“ _Normally_ ,” Sokka says, “if a person was eating healthy, this wouldn’t be enough to cause them to pass out, _but_ you don’t have a healthy diet. You don’t eat much at meals at all, ever. Yesterday and today, you used up a ton of energy when your body was already running on empty.”

Sokka finishes and waits for Zuko’s response. He can’t think of anything. He doesn’t expect Sokka would be this bold about something unless he was confident. Still, Zuko also can’t quite see it. He takes a minute to respond.

“But I don’t _feel_ hungry,” Zuko says softly. It even sounds like a weak argument to himself.

“And I believe you,” Sokka says. “You mentioned you’ve nearly starved before? Maybe the knowledge that food is always around is enough to satisfy you.”

“Maybe,” Zuko concedes. He thinks back to the raft. To the lonely Earth Kingdom plains. “When I was starving, I didn’t always feel the hunger,” Zuko tells him. “Sometimes I got used to it and forgot, only to completely remember the next hour or so.” Zuko stares at his hands. “Maybe my sense of hunger was affected by it.”

Sokka nods. “I could see that happening.”

They sit in silence for a minute. Sokka breaks it.

“Yesterday, you asked me why I watched you, and I told you there were a lot of reasons,” Sokka says. “It’s true, but the first reason I started watching you is because I realized how much smaller you had become.” Zuko doesn’t say anything. “When I first saw you in the South Pole, you were the picture of pure strength. After you joined us, I noticed it wasn’t the case anymore.” 

“Anyway,” Sokka continues. “I became worried about you and started paying attention. I noticed how you sometimes missed meals and barely ate, and I didn’t know why no one else was seeing it. I think they all truly believe that you just don’t eat as much.”

Sokka looks Zuko in the eyes.

“Remember when we trained in the garden?” Sokka asks and Zuko nods. “In one of our matches you pinned me to the floor, and you caught me staring at you. You asked me what I was thinking about, and I lied. I said something about your sword skill level.” Sokka frowns apologetically. “I was really thinking that you felt underweight. If I struggled a bit harder, I think I could have freed myself.”

Zuko feels sick. He remembers how he used to blame his looser clothes on his lack of training, loss of muscle. If only that was the case.

Sokka places a hand on Zuko’s knee and averts his eyes.

“I really wanted to help you, but I didn’t know how to approach you. We weren’t really that close yet, and I didn’t want to upset you. Yesterday, when we were opening up to each other, I almost brought it up, but I decided not to ruin the good mood.” Sokka breathes a shaky sigh. “I shouldn’t have waited though. You could have gotten hurt, and I’m so sorry.”

“Why do you care so much?” Zuko asks. His voice feels tight.

Sokka looks back at him. “Seriously?” he asks. Zuko nods. “You’re part of our family now. I care about you, and it hurts to see you suffer.” 

Zuko’s eyes sting and his vision blurs. Sokka doesn’t notice, his attention focused elsewhere.

“You can rely on me,” Sokka says. “Whatever you need, I’m here for you. I know it’s probably hard to talk about this kind of stuff, but I just want to help. And I’d probably be more help than the others. Not to say the others haven’t gone through their own thing, just, well, they’re still kids, and it might be weird talking to them, and-” Zuko sniffs, causing Sokka to look up. His expression goes panicky. “Are you okay!? Sorry, did I say something wrong?”

Zuko laughs weakly as Sokka flails. He wipes away his tears with the back of his hand. “No, you’re fine,” he replies. “It’s just I don’t hear that very often.”

Sokka visibly blinks hard, trying not to tear up himself. “Wow, okay. Well, you better get used to it. People around here are extremely upfront about their emotions.”

“I’ll try,” Zuko says. He will.

**

Soon after, Sokka leaves and returns with two bowls. Together they eat on the bed, secluded away from the others. Zuko forces himself to eat slightly more than normal despite not feeling the need. His shakiness fades, and he feels a bit stronger -- more steady. Sokka beams at him.

Zuko has a lot of work to do, and he doesn’t think it’ll be easy, but he has someone he can rely on. He has an entire group of people he can rely on. He’s never had so much support all at once before. It’s a good start.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally, I was just planning on ending the story here, but I am considering adding a part two where Zuko and Sokka go on their vacation around the world. Please let me know if that is something you would like to see in a series.


End file.
